Love Worth Making by Stephen Snyder is a comprehensive guide to building a fulfilling and passionate sex life within a long-term relationship. The book explores the emotional and psychological aspects of intimacy, emphasizing the importance of emotional connection, communication, and mutual respect.
Dr. Snyder also addresses common challenges such as performance anxiety and mismatched desires, offering practical advice on how to navigate these issues with empathy and understanding.
Reading Love Worth Making by Dr. Stephen Snyder was an informative and engaging experience.
Start reading today—click to buy!
The Sexual Self
Stephen Snyder’s concept of the “Sexual Self” is a refreshing departure from the often simplistic view of sexuality as solely physical desire. By emphasizing gratitude and awe, Snyder suggests that a fulfilling sex life is rooted in emotional connection and self-awareness. This approach encourages individuals to see sex as an expression of their deepest feelings and connection with their partner, rather than just a physical release or performance.
I’ve seen couples rediscover their passion simply by shifting their mindset from performance to connection, and it’s a powerful transformation.
Critique: Overlooked The Role of Physical Attraction and Diverse Sexual Experiences
While Snyder’s approach is valuable, it overlooks the role of physical attraction and biological factors in sexual desire. For some of us, sex is an essential physical need that doesn’t always need to carry deep emotional meaning. I’ve found that emphasizing awe and gratitude sometimes creates the expectation that sex must always be profound, which isn’t realistic in long-term relationships where the physical connection occasionally takes precedence over emotional depth.
The “No” Zone
Dr. Snyder argues that forcing or coercing a partner into sex can have severe negative consequences, including emotional harm and a breakdown of trust. He advocates for a respectful approach to intimacy, where both partners’ needs and boundaries are honored, ensuring that the sexual relationship is consensual and mutually fulfilling.
Snyder’s unwavering stance on the “No” Zone is commendable. My spouse wasn’t always in the mood, and I initially took it personally, which led to some tension between us. By respecting each other’s boundaries and not pushing when one of us said “no,” we were able to rebuild trust and find a new rhythm that worked for both of us.
Critique: Overlooked the Underlying Reasons behind a Refusal.
While respecting a partner’s “no” is fundamental, it’s also important to address the underlying reasons behind a refusal. Sometimes, a “no” signals deeper issues, such as stress, fatigue, and emotional distress. Open communication and understanding help resolve these underlying issues and create a more fulfilling sexual relationship.
Additionally, the concept could be expanded to include more discussions about consent, such as the difference between enthusiastic consent and reluctant consent, and how to navigate those situations.
Emotional Connection
Dr. Snyder emphasizes that without a deep emotional connection, sex becomes mechanical and meaningless. By investing in the emotional aspects of the relationship, you keep the sexual spark alive. This emotional connection is what makes sex more than just a physical act; it becomes an expression of love, trust, and intimacy.
I recall a time when work and family responsibilities made me and my partner feel distant, causing our sex life to suffer. Realizing we needed to reconnect emotionally, we made a conscious effort to spend quality time together, talking and laughing without distractions. As our emotional bond strengthened, our sexual connection naturally improved.
Critique: Emotional Connection Is Not the Only Pathway to Sexual Fulfillment.
While the importance of emotional connection cannot be overstated, it’s not the only pathway to sexual fulfillment. For some couples, maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship might not require a deep emotional bond. I’ve seen clients—and even experienced this myself—where a strong physical connection was enough to create an incredibly fulfilling sexual experience.
Shared Experiences
Engaging in activities together, whether they are sexual or non-sexual, can strengthen the bond between partners and enhance their overall connection. Shared experiences create a sense of partnership and closeness, which naturally translates into a more fulfilling sexual relationship.
Dr. Snyder suggests that couples should invest time in these experiences to keep their relationship dynamic and connected. In my relationship, I’ve noticed that spending more time together, like cooking, hiking, and watching movies, strengthens our connection and leads to better sex.
Critique: Neglected Balance Between Individual Interests and Shared Activities
While shared experiences are beneficial, it’s important to recognize that individual interests and preferences vary. It’s essential to find activities that both partners enjoy and avoid forcing each other to participate in activities that they don’t find fulfilling. Too much emphasis on doing everything together leads to a loss of personal identity, which, in turn, creates tension in the relationship.
Performance Anxiety
Dr. Snyder provides strategies to help couples overcome performance anxiety, a common issue in sexual relationships. He advises a shift in focus from performance to enjoyment, encouraging couples to be more present at the moment rather than worrying about specific outcomes. This approach helps to alleviate the pressure that often comes with sexual performance, allowing couples to relax and enjoy their sexual experiences more fully.
I’ve experienced performance anxiety in my relationship, especially in the early years when everything felt new and a bit overwhelming. There were times when I was so focused on whether I was “doing it right” that I couldn’t enjoy the experience.
Critique: Overlooked Reasons Behind Performance Anxiety
Dr. Snyder’s approach is valuable, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. Sometimes, addressing performance anxiety requires a deeper look at self-esteem and the pressures we place on ourselves. I found myself wishing Dr. Snyder had explored these deeper psychological aspects a bit more.
Conclusion
“Love Worth Making” is not just a book about sex; it’s a guide to understanding and nurturing the emotional and psychological aspects of a sexual relationship.
The book is a reminder that great sex in a long-term relationship is not just about technique or frequency but about connection, communication, and mutual respect. For anyone looking to deepen their relationship and enhance their intimacy, this book is a must-read.
Why Should You Read Love Worth Making?
Here are some compelling reasons why you should consider reading this book:
- The book explores the emotional and psychological aspects of intimacy, helping you understand the factors that contribute to a fulfilling sexual relationship.
- Dr. Snyder provides practical tips and strategies for addressing common challenges such as performance anxiety, mismatched desires, and infidelity.
- The book emphasizes the importance of emotional connection as a foundation for sexual fulfillment, offering guidance on how to nurture and deepen your bond with your partner.
- Dr. Snyder’s approach is grounded in respect, empathy, and understanding, promoting a healthy and positive view of sexuality.
Rating and Recommendation
I’d give it 4 out of 5 stars
Love Worth Making isn’t just a book; it’s a guide to rediscovering the spark in your relationship. With its practical advice and relatable stories, it helped me and my partner reconnect on a deeper level. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to strengthen their bond.
How Long Will It Take to Read Love Worth Making?
Love Worth Making is 304 pages long and will likely take you around 6 to 8 hours to read, depending on your pace. If you’re someone who likes to pause and reflect on meaningful advice, you might find yourself spending a bit more time with it. It’s a great weekend read!
As a married wife, founder, and editor of SpouseMag.com – these guides are based on my own personal experiences, observations, research and insights. I am transparent about being inspired by the life and work of the two greatest experts in the relationship space – Dr. John and Julia Gottman, and Harville and Helen. They two are some of the strongest couples, researchers, authors, and counselors when it comes to marriage and relationships. My advice and guides are based on my insights and research, and they are not an alternative to professional advice.
